it is night. i'm sitting on this chair. I hear the sound of a cat whining. I don not like the noise. I hear the disturbing sound of my mind:
be perfect
do not make a mistake
die...commit suicide.
I am 32 years old. I will be 33 years old in five month. the new corona virus has ruined my plan to achieve mext scholarship.
what am I gonna do now? what I Suppose to do now?
I just don't now.
I don't even know what will happen to the world?
I am not afraid of my future. I am afraid of children, family and peoples future.
will they starve to death?
what will happen? I'm afraid of getting sick and dying. I am more worried about others than myself.
what will happen?
I want to study at a japanese university.
I dream about achieving MEXT scholarship from the embassy of Japan.
I have wrote two scholars.
I'm working on a proposal.
I have learned to read English at a high level.
I am working on my Japanese too.l