about the damn kanji

I had read Sisyphus written by alberto camus almost 10 years ago. 

It is similar to me when study kanji. I have read about 2000 kanji more than 300000 times.  and I still can not learn them.

lets talk about something else. even speaking about kanji make me sick. all I can say is I thin I must work on writing kanji instead of just looking at them. maybe that's the solution.

it's just not easy to write every day...because I do not have anything to say. I just want to write to learn writing in english.

when Honia came to my room last night he was surprised to see that I have written the whole walls of my room with a pencil. she consider it as a mischief and bad deed.

I am not sure if this would be enough or not but I really don't know what to say.

Honia and Avaz were here

I woke up at 6:30 in the morning  today. and I have been working so far.

I'm almost always tired. sometimes I feel like I have  some problem because of looking at computer/cell phone for 17 hours a day. I hop I do not have  a CVS problem. 

Honia and Avaz was here tonight. Avas did not afraid of me for  the first time. honia was very polite and calm compared to last year.

I don't know if  I should be happy or not. playfulness is a healthy part of children's life. it's necessary and healthy for a child to jump and run. she was too calm.

but she painted a lot.

anyway, Avaz can not understand such a thing. she is too young. I think she is just two years old. 

Honya is a 4 years old kid. speaks three languages at some level. I wish I could speak three languages!

when the ghosts comes out

I hoped that as the weather warmed up, corona virus , the rate of corona expansion would slow down.

but as for know, I have not seen such a thing. 

sometimes my eyes get tired. I have been working on English and Japanese for more than a year. to it is normal.

I can not remember the country's name but I have read an interesting news. the people of that country, believed in ghosts.  the police forces in that country dressed in ghosts and frightened the people.

the goal of police was to keep people at house in fear of the ghosts. but this behavior has the opposite effect. 

people came out of their houses to see the ghosts. but that behavior was temporary. they no longer leave their houses.

my life style has changed and not in a good way

I don't know why I'm being so weak. I remember running ten kilometers a day for ten years. 

maybe my life style is not healthy. maybe my diet is not nutritious. 

i drink too much tea for sure. 

I think I am depressed. and I don't exercise. 

and I experience a lot of stress. 

I think I have a heart issue. I want to go to a modern hospital in Tehran and see a professional doctor since four years a go.

I'm curious what the doctor will say.

it's spring and i have not seen the mountain and the river yet. that's weird.  this is not me!

I remember I went hiking every day for more than a year. even in the winter. even when it was snowing..,.

just blah blah as usual

I do not feel well writing in english on this weblog.

I wish I could write on a foreign blog.

I know that I'm not good at writing english. I think I make a lot of mistakes.  

I do not feel comfortable knowing that people are looking at me.

but I still must work on writing. so I have to keep practicing until I learn to write.

making mistakes is inevitable.

but if I keep writing everyday and every day I will be able to write well one day as I wish.

if you work on something everyday, you may be able to do the impossible.

I feel tense. I have to keep working on IFS. 

I don't know why I've been feeling so hungry  recently. I remember afew years a go if I did not eat for even one day I might not feel hungry.,