it is night. i'm sitting on this chair. I hear the sound of a cat whining. I don not like the noise. I hear the disturbing sound of my mind:
be perfect
do not make a mistake
die...commit suicide.
I am 32 years old. I will be 33 years old in five month. the new corona virus has ruined my plan to achieve mext scholarship.
what am I gonna do now? what I Suppose to do now?
I just don't now.
I don't even know what will happen to the world?
I am not afraid of my future. I am afraid of children, family and peoples future.
will they starve to death?
what will happen? I'm afraid of getting sick and dying. I am more worried about others than myself.
what will happen?
that's why I like Forrest Gump but I do not like Wilson Yip. not at all.
even a porn movie is better than his movies. he is a devil who want to get rich and he don't care if he reaches to his goal at the expense of hostility between nations.
ip man was a big lie and Wilson Yip is a big liar.
he is the director of Ip man 4.
in this movie the chines people are heroes. american people are savages.
in Ip man 4 Chinese people are rational and polite people.
american students are some racist savages who want to beat the Chinese student severly.
at the end of the ip man 4, american and Japanese people will be defeated by chines people.
this movie is ridiculous and the director of this movie is nothing but a stupid lier.
jean Piaget was right. Immanuel Kant was right. if you do not have rational mind you can not experience Moral development.
I am afraid of china and these kind of movies. Wilson Yip is nothing but a stupid liar but I am worried about the world.
its midnight know. I'm awake.
as usual ... I feel bad.
but let's not do that. let's be different.
what am I gonna do?
chines people says: you come to this world naked... you go from this world naked...you should understand both.
what should I do?
a part of me just want to avoid from this kind of question. like a paper in the wind. this part of my personality don't want to be free. so tryes to seduce me...saying: lets sleep...lets eat something.
but I don't want to begin from first of week/day.
this is enough. every year I will be older and older and there is not infinite time for me.
life is just a blink.
when you are on the mountain...and looking at your behind...
you say
I should have chosen another way/goal.
somebody must send my documents to the embassy of Japan.
today my brother has engaged. I don't wanna risk and ask him to sent the documents to the embassy of Japan.
I'm afraid of Corona virus. I don't want him to get sick.
I don't know if my university would be open or not...
If I copy the documents to the embassy...if I had to copy files they would be contaminated or not?...is it safe to participate in the language test in the embassy?
am I just choosing the easy choice? or it is right?
Is this just a inner tactic to avoid from stress?
I don't think so. I'm really worried about the virus. that's it.
I am afraid of the test. I am maybe choosing the easy way. but this is not the reason to doping the exam.